When Cooking Attacks
by Sayosi
Summary: Crack Spin Off of For Whom the Wind Blows / Mai's sick and that leaves the others to cook, which includes Natsuki. Disaster appears to be on the horizon, but something a little on the, uh, unexpected side happens.


_NOTE:_ All events in chapter 14 will be ignored, as the vast, vast majority of this was written before that was posted. Plus, it just makes things that much easier.

**Naolin Says- **I tried to stop her (make her write faster), I really did. Alas, my efforts were in vain. I did try to beta it, but I think a few lingering errors might be excused and passed off as the fault of my rather-unable-to-concentrate mind. For good reason though, as you'll discover. Anyway. This is **not story canon**, I repeat, _**not**_** story canon**. But, for the sake of the characters, I almost wish it were. Is it sad that Sayosi writes my story better than I do? -gloom- Enjoy, most-loved readers.

**When Cooking Attacks**

Natsuki, though never the superstitious one, knew a bad omen when she saw one...or, really, heard one. The rather loud **BANG** that awoke her with a jolt had been immediately identified as one. Concluding that it was far too early to be in the world of the conscious, a glance toward her still sleeping roommate filled her with jealousy.

"Lucky little..." she muttered under her breath, detangling herself from the sheets. Of course she had to go check out what made that noise, as curiosity often got the better of her.

She stumbled groggily to the door and opened it, standing there confused for just a moment. Where exactly was she supposed to begin her hunt?

After a few seconds or so, groans of pain that definitely did not belong to her found her ears. With her oh so keen hearing, her eyes swiveled to the source with ease—Mai's room. "Tokiha, what'd you get yourself into this time?"

She opened the door gingerly to find said redhead with her top half off of her bed and bum propped highly up in the air. If Natsuki wasn't so tired, she would've laughed.

"Do I even want to know what happened?" Natsuki inquired, rousing the slumbering Mikoto.

"Mai...Food..." slurred the young girl as she sprawled out across Mai's rear end, enticing a few more groans.

"Mmm, Natsuki...I'm sick," Mai mumbled, her voice partially muffled due to the floor.

Natsuki, with her barely-half-there mind, took quite awhile to process what Mai had said, Mikoto deducting things a bit faster.

"Can Mai still make food?" Mikoto asked, things clicking nicely in Natsuki's head.

Eyes now wide in horror, Natsuki stared at the very disgruntled Mai. "Can you?"

Mai resisted the urge to pound her head further into the floor—repeatedly. "No, I can't, unless you want to catch what I have. Someone else will have to cook in my place."

"Well, if Kuga here is the stand-in, then we're gonna be sick no matter what." Nao, ever the sneaky one, had suddenly materialized in the doorway.

"Nobody ever said I was going to cook," Natsuki shot back, her wit apparently still asleep.

Nao just grinned, the glint of a challenge in her eye. "Is the great Kuga too afraid to cook?"

The plan was incredibly see through, but Natsuki's pride blocked her vision. "No," she spoke with defiance. "I'll–"

"Hold it!" Midori roared from the hallway, soon appearing behind the not-quite-shocked Nao. Their height difference apparently not enough for Midori, she pushed down the younger girl's head to lean into the room. "My bad-things-are-about-to-happen sense is tingling. Report, now!"

"Captain, I'm sick," Mai grumbled.

"Which means that you can't cook. Good thing I have a emergency plan for such happenings," the much too enthusiastic Midori announced, earning an incredulous look from anyone that could actually look at her, which only included Natsuki.

"Oh, do tell," Nao grunted, attempting to worm out from underneath the captain's weight to little to no avail.

"We'll draw straws to find out who cooks and when." Midori's non-Nao-suppressing hand suddenly appeared with said straws.

Nao chose that moment to let her knees buckle, sending both her and Midori to the floor. Under the weight of her captain, it was now Nao's turn to groan. "Goodie."

-.-

Once Chie had been forcibly dragged out of bed, it was chosen by luck of the draw that Chie would attend to breakfast, Nao for lunch, then last, and perhaps least, was Natsuki with dinner. The whole crew, sans the dazed and food deprived Mikoto, cringed when the dark-haired one pulled out a marked straw.

Natsuki just stared and stared at the stupid straw, a certain fear welling up in her abdomen. Perhaps this time would be the time that she would actually get hit with the food-turned-charred-flying-projectile. But the punishment for not complying was...unspeakable, really, so Natsuki chose to suck it up and that the possibility of having only one eye wasn't _that_ bad.

At the sight of Natsuki's suddenly resolute facial expression, Nao let out an undisguised sigh. Not only was she being forced into conjuring up something edible, she also had to attempt to live through Kuga Brand Cooking™, which was guaranteed to taste like chicken shit 99.5 percent of the time.

There was also the collective hope in the room that everyone's favorite buxom redhead would miraculously feel well enough to cook by the time dinner rolled around. Well, one could dream.

-.-

Natsuki spent a good chunk of her day scouring the ship for a protective material of some sort. If she was going to cook, a shield seemed to be a good accessory. Sadly, there only appeared to be things of the wood variety that fit into the reasonable category, and the fear of horrendous splinters scared her off. Plus, any sort of eyeholes would most likely render the thing useless. Oh, woe was Natsuki!

Then again, 'woe' could be attributed to just about everyone on the ship. Alas.

The galley had become a rather horrible thing in Natsuki's eyes, thus choosing to stay away from her 'doom' and only venturing close for meals. Speaking of meals, Chie had managed to whip up breakfast without the slightest hitch, much to everyone's delight. The threat of starvation was warded for the time being.

When it came upon Nao's time to cook, Natsuki secretly wanted her to fail miserably. Yet, she also wanted enough food to quell her hunger until the next morning, for her failure seemed imminent. Optimistic thinking was never one of her strong points.

Nao's success in the cooking department left Natsuki vaguely emotionally confused, which may have not been saying much. Poor girl and her ignorance to the manners of the heart... Anywho, soon it became time for Natsuki to bite the bullet, take the plunge, yadda yadda yadda and all that jazz.

So, there Natsuki stood in the middle of hell, not having the slightest clue as to what she could give a go at cooking. This predicament prompted a search for a recipe of some sort. She came up short, finding a few pages that were for the most part illegible because of the blotches of some unidentifiable substances on them. Natsuki squinted, as if that would help, at her hopefully-soon-to-be-lifesavers.

"Ah, let's see here..." She then lightly grunted, for squinting and un-squinting one's eyes was rather laboring. "Dried meat—whatever you have, dried peppers, dried mushrooms, dried lettuce..." Freezing in her reading, she shook her head lightly. Must've been a misread.

Her eyes continued to scan the pages silently as she mouthed the ingredients. One may call the scene cute, for the oh so determined expression that she wore. Ah, the young and the hopeful; such wonderful days those were.

Once done with her initial inspection, Natsuki then began turning the pages over in her hands almost frantically. Yes, she could make out a majority of the ingredients, but there was no procedure. What the hell was she supposed to do with a mound of food? Throw it all into a big pot?

Just then a light bulb would've appeared above Natsuki's head if they were even invented yet. 'Twas what one got for living in the 18th century. Moving on...

Natsuki rummaged around for a little while, found a monster of a pot, and popped it on the stove. She got the fire going, then went off to go a-hunting for her needed food. Naturally, they were lacking in a few things, so she just made up for it by throwing in more of the other things. They seemed to have an over-abundance of oysters. Odd.

The pot now full to her liking, she surveyed her surrounds for a stirring utensil. There was _the_ ladle, yes, but that was solely and strictly Mai's. Also, she feared she would get whacked upside the head with something far worse (if that was even possible) if anything happened to said ladle.

So Natsuki chanced upon a normal looking spoon-thingie and used that to stir her concoction that would hopefully end up being food. Actually, it didn't look half bad, and even though the smell wasn't exactly pleasing to the nose, it didn't make her gag. Hope began to rise in that heart of hers.

With such seemingly positive signs, Natsuki gained back some of that courage she had lost from previous attempts at the art of cooking. She daringly lifted the full spoon to her lips and tilted it, the substance washing over her taste buds and harmlessly flowing down her throat. Her eyes widened in surprise.

_Impossible._

-.-

A crowd had gathered outside the kitchen for various reasons that all held one common denominator—they were waiting for something to go horribly wrong. Natsuki was a liability, and if the kitchen was to explode they wanted to be there to diminish the flames as quickly as possible...then laugh their asses off later.

The sounds of rather loud clanking perked the ears of everyone present, soon regretting the action as they flinched back from the resounding **BAM**. A string of unrestrained curses immediately followed, and one had to wonder what was conspiring behind that door. Well, a disaster would be putting it mildly.

Just thinking of what Kuga had gotten herself into prompted Nao's verbal declaration of desperation. "Do we have any rolls left?"

"No," came Chie's curt reply, dashing any hope.

"...Damn."

-.-

When Natsuki emerged from the kitchen with enough bowls and spoons for everybody, she wasn't the least bit shocked to see said everybody already in their places at the table. A few of them, Nao particularly, started to snicker. Natsuki just glared at her, trying her best to ignore the crusty feeling covering her left cheek.

"You weren't exactly spotless after your little cooking endeavor either, Yuuki." She slammed the bowls on the table, enticing a few involuntary flinches along the table.

"True, Kuga, but I didn't look like I rolled around in it," Nao smirked, gesturing towards the blotch-covered pirate, who was now tossing out bowls and spoons.

"The instances of which this is the product of were not under my control and thus unavoidable," Natsuki stated gruffly, yet with an eerily polite tone. Then with the flick of her wrist, she sent the last spoon flying straight at Nao's forehead before marching back into the kitchen.

Nao blinked a few times in quick succession, trying her damnedest to stop a _the hell_ expression from crossing her features. Natsuki reappeared soon with the giant pot, now with _a_ ladle, but not _the_ ladle, sticking out of it. The crew just stared at the pot, not sure if they should be glad it wasn't bubbling, while Natsuki left once more and passed by with a full bowl as she made her way out of the galley.

Mikoto eagerly spooned herself a bowl, as food was food to her and her stomach wasn't in the position to be complaining. She put the bowl to her lips and started slurping down the contents, ignoring the spoon and the intent stares...and the fact that she was being used as the guinea pig. Barely ten seconds passed by the time she finished, letting out a satisfied sigh as everyone's eyes nearly bugged out of their heads.

Midori, ever the brave captain, put her head on the chopping block, only dropping one ladle full into her bowl. One cautious sip and a new twinkle in her eye later, she was filling her bowl up to the brim. The rest had taken the actions of the previous two as a thumbs-up and got themselves a bowl full.

All they knew was that Natsuki had magically managed to cook something that didn't look like it would leave one dangling over the deck railing for hours on end. But really, the true and utter shock was that it tasted _good_. Perhaps a bit too good.

-.-

"Always wants the room service, doesn't she? Mai's sick and she came to get her own food..." Natsuki mumbled, carefully making her way down the hallway, as she was afraid of spilling the contents.

She nudged the door open and maneuvered into the room. Her roommate, the ever-staring Fujino, was curled up on the bed with her back facing the other. Natsuki decided to give her a taste of her own medicine, staring at the unmoving lump. ...Wait, unmoving as in no movement...

"Oi, you dead?" Natsuki asked quizzically, glancing about the room to see if there was anything she could poke with.

The ruffling sound of sheets being shifted about snapped her attention back to the other human being in the room. She found herself looking into weary burgundy eyes and help back an urge to ask how the now suddenly vulnerable looking woman felt.

"Uh, here. Food. Enjoy." Natsuki promptly set down the bowl near the bed and hurried her way out of there.

Stiffly striding back to the galley, a frown pulled at her lips. But before she could even begin contemplating anything, a cry echoed from the direction of the galley. Now, this wasn't your normal bawling cry, but a cry of much stranger proportions. Natsuki picked up her pace to a half-jog and managed to almost skid past the door. She flung the helpless piece of wood open to find herself face to face with something she never hoped to see.

"Au-un!" Mai cried out once more because of Mikoto doing...things. Unspeakable, horrible (to onlookers) things.

Natsuki let loose a half-strangled cry, abruptly turning about face...right into two rather soft things. _Oh my god, boobs in the face!_

"Nat-tsu-ki-chan!" Midori huggled the flustered pirate further into her bosom, swinging back and forth ever so slightly.

Natsuki began to struggle valiantly, but to no success; the captain was surprisingly strong and adamant about keeping Natsuki were she was. But she must have gained some sort of knowledge that people need to breath and pulled Natsuki out of her entrapment.

"'Ey there, beautiful. How's 'bout me and you 'ave a little fun?" Midori tried, and failed, to wink suggestively, moving her face deathly close to Natsuki's, her breath trickling over the other's rather red face.

Midori sounded drunk out of her wits, but the smell of rum was oddly faint on her breath. Plus, there was the absence of a bottle in either of her hands.

"Now, now, captain, no hogging the cute ones," Natsuki heard a voice chide from behind her. _Ah, hell no._

She turned just enough to see Nao of all people sauntering towards her with a goofy grin plastered on her face. The word 'doom' momentarily flashed through her mind.

"I's not. Aaaaand I found 'er first!" Midori yanked Natsuki closer, causing the other to lose her balance. Naturally, she shot her hand out for support. Her eyes widened, hand twitching_. Gah! Hand on the boob! Hand on the boob!_

Nao gaped upon seeing the appendage placement.

"Now 'hat's more like it!" Midori fist pumped into the air with one of her hands, while the other ventured to a certain part of Natsuki's anatomy. _Ah! Her hand on the boob! Her hand on the boob!_

Natsuki began to struggle even more vehemently than before, once again getting nowhere fast. Appearing to have plans of some sort, Midori fell down to the ground with Natsuki pinned under her.

"Now ihs time ta get down ta business." Midori drew out each syllable, Natsuki frozen in utter horror. _Her tongue. Why is her tongue sticking out?_

"Noooooooooooooooo!" Nao, seemingly out of nowhere, jump-tackled the captain, freeing Natsuki. While they were engaged in their scuffle, Natsuki regained her motor functions and got the hell out of there.

After about a minute of rolling around on the floor, both realized that the hot piece of ass they were squabbling over had escaped.

"You dumbass, you let her get away!" Nao, now on top of Midori, pounded the captain's head into the ground.

"Did not!" Midori flipped the position, glaring as best she could. Unlike _some_ people, she wasn't prone to violence. "I was havin' a splendid time wit' her 'fore you tack'd mey!"

Nao's face drooped. "But she's gone. Now who do we have?"

"Can't we chase 'er?"

"Naw. She probably has the door barred by now."

Both remained still, odd looks of contemplation etched into their features. Aside from Mai's occasional moans, the only other sound in the room was that of light scratching and incoherent mumbles. Wait...

They scrambled to their feet, frantically glancing about the room. "Ah ha!" they proclaimed at the same time, their fingers pointing towards a secluded corner of the galley that currently housed one hunched over Chie. But, what was she doing?

The now-duo of Midori and Nao crept over to the artist, glancing over her shoulder when they were within permissible distance.

Midori quirked an eyebrow. "Wha..."

"...the hell?" Nao furrowed her brow.

All they could conclude was that Chie was sketching a pretty girl in her sketchbook and whispering, stopping every now and then to kiss the picture. The only word that they could discern was 'milady', and that wasn't helping matters.

Side glancing to Nao, Midori spoke, "You grab th' sketchbook and I'll tack' 'er."

"But..." Nao started to protest. Even with Nao's non-sensible mind, she remembered that the sketchbook was a severe no-no.

"Do you wanna try an' steal Mai from Mikoto?" Midori narrowed her eyes to aid her point.

With a quick flick of the eyes to aforementioned people, Nao shook her head and then saluted. "Aye aye, el capitán!"

And so the duo charged, Nao swiping the sketchbook away and Midori latching herself onto Chie. "Gotcha!"

This was the beginning of what some like to call a crack pairing...or really, threesome.

-.-

Natsuki realized too late that she had just run away from one doom and straight into another. Having just finished propping a chair up against the door, she felt dread spread throughout her entire body at a rather drunk sounding "Hellooo, Ms. Piiirrraaaate..."

She turned around jerkily, a twisted grin twitching wider and wider.

_Oh...god._

There was her roommate, sitting as seductively as ever in bed. Strange, she didn't remember that shirt having that big of a collar.

"You're staring," Natsuki gulped. At least that wasn't out of the ordinary.

"Really now?" Shizuru purred, sliding off the bed to sashay her usually sadistic little ass over to the stunned pirate. Okay, now that _was_ out of the ordinary.

She stopped a few steps away, a goofy grin similar to Nao's earlier one curving her lips. Really, Natsuki was just waiting to see if the older woman would hiccup.

"Hmm..." Shizuru hummed in her throat, swaying slightly. Natsuki took a half step forward, as if ready to catch any falling bodies. "...So sweet."

Shizuru widely swung her leg around in front of herself, this action causing her to lose any remnants of balance. Springing forward, Natsuki managed to sort of catch Shizuru, which resulted in both of them falling to the ground. Once more she found herself pinned under another body. Within five minutes of each other to boot.

Apparently Shizuru was a woman of opportunity, taking this chance to nuzzle her face into the crook of Natsuki's neck. A blush soon encompassed the entirety of Natsuki's body, which was due to the attractive (_where the hell did that come from?_) woman on top of her and that said woman was being a tad on the friendly side. It should be noted that this was the understatement of the year.

Shizuru lifted herself off enough so that she hovered just barely above the pirate, her lips far, _far_ too close for that now distant thing called comfort. _Well, at least her tongue isn't sticking out._

"Mm, you're pretty..." Shizuru drawled, her neck seeming to lose function briefly as her head swooped close.

Natsuki began to despise the floor beneath her, as it was preventing her from backing away. Granted, she could push the other woman away, but her motor functions had disappeared once more. _Joy._

Shizuru's neck fully gave out this time, her lips conveniently landing on Natsuki's, whose response was a widening of the eyes and every muscle in her body going stiff. In time, Shizuru pulled back and licked her lips, that lazy look in her eyes beginning to flicker into sultry. "Taste pretty good too."

Natsuki's jaw muscles went slack, her face now hot enough to fry an egg on. She attempted to form a sound of some sort, but that was soon found impossible. _Strange, I didn't know that talking fell under motor skills... Why is she smiling like that? Why must she stare? Why do I fear for my life? Why THE HELL am I still here?_

Natsuki willed herself to move, but as far as she got was a foot twitch. Oh yeah, she'd be up and running in no time at all. Yet it seemed that a particular person wasn't going to let her do much of anything.

"Mm, Natsuki's cute when she's flustered." Lips brushed across Natsuki's burning cheek, a hand trailing along her thigh and lingering around the hem of her shirt.

While it felt odd to hear her name spoken by an unfamiliar tongue in such a suggestive tone, the not entirely welcomed but not entirely unwelcomed sensations brought upon by the owner of this tongue overrode a few things. Lips ventured down her jaw line, this time paired with a gentle nip; sound was actually freed from Natsuki's throat, best described as an 'eep'. She could feel the smirk.

Shizuru backed her head away slowly, her face coming into Natsuki's vision before she rolled off. Natsuki just lay there, stunned. She knew the lips weren't there anymore, but it sure as hell still felt like they were.

Natsuki felt a distinct rumbling in the pit of her stomach, blush reddening once it emitted sound. A flitter of laughter was let loose to the right of her. _Did the hardass Navy officer just laugh?_ Natsuki pondered, deeming the teasing time irrelevant.

"Ara, it seems to be that somebody's hungry."

Before Natsuki could do or say anything, Shizuru "wheeee"d and then proceeded to roll over the other woman. Natsuki's breath hitched the instance contact was made, breasts and lips feeling like they did most of it. Only left alone for a few seconds, an arm soon wormed its way under her shoulders and pulled her up into a sitting position. The next thing she knew she was snuggled up close to Shizuru, both hearing and feeling her "Aaaahhh."

Natsuki went cross-eyed as she spotted the rather full spoon heading for her mouth at full speed. Her mouth gaping open, she had no time to even attempt to close it, food sailing right in. Swallowing involuntarily, she once again marveled in the fact that her food held a delicately rich taste to it. Another spoonful was worked in as heat seeped into every corner of her body. It wasn't like the earlier blush, no, not in the least. It was a much more searing type of heat. A heat that was sending her mind into a haze and only increased as more food got into her system.

Her once limp hands wandered aimlessly, eventually finding and clutching onto Shizuru. Fingers curled around the fabric as Natsuki pressed herself into the other body; it felt so tantalizing. A pressure began to build in her abdomen, her breaths now ragged in-between each bite. It was too much. Far too much.

"Wait," she breathed, her voice much more husky than she expected it to be.

Shizuru froze in her movements, holding the spoon just above the now almost empty bowl. Natsuki took action, some force she couldn't determine fueling her. One of her hands traveled up to Shizuru's shoulder and grasped it deftly before sliding down her arm, fingers molding to the subtly defined muscles and savoring the unique feel of skin through cloth. Fingertips grazing across her wrist, they smoothly glided down to her palm to flick away the spoon as nails lightly scraped skin.

A shiver raced up Shizuru's spine, her stomach compressing in upon itself. That simple movement must have triggered something; it felt like every single one of her nerves were hypersensitive. The breath that broke against her neck in heavy, uneven puffs, the soft strands that tickled so teasingly even with the absence of movement, the hand that danced and played in her own in such odd torture, the lips that—_oh_—pressed against hers in an aggressive, demanding fashion, how could one resist?

She responded immediately and matched the vigor of her aggressor, who then raised her an invading tongue, much to both of their pleasure. Even though the experience itself was magnificent, the position was awkward to say the least. Gaining motivation from a growing ache in her neck, Shizuru took action. She grabbed hold of the one hand and slipped her arm that supported Natsuki down until her fingers rested on the curve of the hip. Taking advantage of their lip lock, she gently rose as Natsuki followed.

Barely up right for more than a second, Shizuru found her back shoved up against the wall and all its _wonderful _splinters. The kiss broken, Shizuru arched her head back as Natsuki engaged in the wonders of exploring a person's neck with only one's mouth. But, no, she couldn't succumb yet; dominance was not something she favored losing this early on.

A plan already formulated in her mind, Shizuru tilted her head downward in a suggestive manner. Natsuki took the bait, forsaking her current quest to partake in her previous one. With maneuvers gained over the years, Shizuru was able to take control of Natsuki and guide her to the nearest bed with ease.

Natsuki only registered the soft _fwoph_ before she lost whatever thinking prowess she had left by the hand—or really hands, lips, tongue and about every body part—of the woman above her. Meeting no resistance, a moan fled from her throat to be shortly followed by a gasp as hands of a unique combination of rough and soft splayed across her flat stomach and climbed higher, higher.

She wasn't keen on being submissive, but the only things her hands seemed to be able to do were cling to the back of the older woman, finding it difficult to sink her nails into skin through clothing. The sensations brought upon by far too skillful lips and hands caused her entire body to shake and tremble; there was no way anything should feel this good. It was pathetic, but...

Teeth lightly pinched the skin by Natsuki's collarbone, sending her into a knee jerk reaction. Her leg bumped a rather sensitive part of Shizuru's anatomy, the older woman shifting her head upward and muffling a moan into Natsuki's neck.

Sensing the moment of weakness, Natsuki took advantage of the situation and immediately flipped their positions. She straddled the other's hips, rather satisfied by the positively delicious expression Shizuru held. Impatient, Shizuru reached for the currently gloating woman, Natsuki grabbing the hand before it even brushed against her clothes. She briefly examined the captured appendage, fully aware of the watching eyes. Without a thought, she gently brought her lips to a single digit, the sharp intake of breath music to her ears.

She smirked and began her descent, still holding the hand close.

Revenge was very sweet indeed.

-.-

_You think I know what the date is?_

_Day 69...ish-not_

_I would like to present a fore-apology of sorts for any incoherencies in this entry, as I am basking in what has been called the "__afterglow."_

_She is asleep right now without a stitch on her and I do say it is quite distracting. Perhaps... Ah, how sheets have saved many lives. Back to the matter at hand. It appears that she and I were not the only ones to engage in sexual activities. Shortly after she fell into peaceful unconsciousness, I ventured out on curiosity and boredom. It really is too bad when one has more stamina than one's partner._

_The rest of the crew was found slumbering in the galley, all in various states of undress but most in the nude. The child-like one was the most clothed of all, resting in the bosom of the cook with such a satisfied look on her face that I can best compare to one that has eaten to his or her heart's content. The cook, on the other hand, seemed to be completely exhausted. Yet, once I had approached closer, the gentle curve of a smile on her lips became evident._

_The remaining three were lumped together in a distant corner. I had to bite down on my tongue to prevent an outburst of laughter. Two of them, the redhead and the captain, had charcoal markings all over their bodies. The redhead had a mustache, a think line in-between her eyebrows in what I assumed to be an imitation of a unibrow, odd shapes, suggestive drawings, and absolutely deranged sentences sketched onto her skin. The captain faired much better, the only distinguishable thing from the several dark blotches was what looked like to be an attempt to draw an oddly familiar face over the captain's. I did not particularly enjoy staring at the drooling face of the snoring captain, so I stopped my assessment sooner than I should have. The second-in-command was off a ways from the others, that sketchbook cuddled in smudged fingers. She was grinning so broadly that I did not doubt her face would crack from the stress._

_Once I had thought I exhausted all things of interest, I began to head back out of the room but halted when one of them, I cannot remember who, shifted her position and I believe I saw a pencil where it had no right to be. The image lain out before not a pleasant one, I picked up my pace with the decision that it was much more comfortable in the cabin._

_And then here I am recounting such a scene for the sake of documentation. Escape seems to be hard._

_Even though I do now feel how heavy my eyelids have become, there is one more thing, or person, that must be addressed._

_I was quite surprised when I saw her appear with food earlier this evening, or do I say yesterday by now? It is not important. I had stayed up to unsightly hours the previous night, scribbling erotic stories in this journal to pass the time. Sleep had been evasive, but I could not get rid of it earlier and chose to doze through dinner. Ah, I digress._

_She is an odd one. During our activities, she... Well, I have come to the conclusion that it must been her first time, for her awkwardness and oft clumsy movements. Pity, I've stolen the virginity of a pirate._

_But, for a pirate, her hands were surprisingly gentle._

-.-

**A/N:** I have to say that Naolin should stop her sulking and stop coming up with such ideas that she is not the one that writes her story the best. Such a delusional one, she is.

Anyway, the subject of seducing was brought up once upon a time in one of Naolin's and my emails and eventually evolved into Natsuki accidentally cooking an aphrodisiac. While I do not know what being under the influence of an aphrodisiac actually feels like, nor did I attempt research, I shall take creative license with this and say Natsuki's concoction was a special kind if I have to. Now, this crack should be an appropriate showcase of where my obsession lies. The ShizNat scene took up about a third of the whole thing. Gah.

I hope that you took at least mild amusement out of this. Y'know, purpose an' all.


End file.
